The 10 Worst Sequels (1999 - 2009)

I should firstly point out that no one has been consulted about this, it isn’t a vote or readers pole. This is just my opinion. Also, as there are soooo many shit sequels out there, I have limited my picks from the last 10 years (1999 – 2009), also only one film per franchise can appear.

 

10. Oceans 12 (Steven Soderbergh, 2004)

 

Listen, I really love the first film, I even love the third film, the chemistry in both is great. But the second one – Oceans 12 – is like pulling teeth. As far as plot goes, it’s the same as the others – group need/want money, group come together, group make the most elaborate plan, bad guy tries to foil their plans, bad guy fails, group steal things, group head off into the sun set. Something is just missing here. There scenes are overly long, there are too many people not doing enough. And I hate, HATE Catherine Zeta Jones in this film – good actress, just wrong for this film in my opinion.

This is kind of a near miss for me, but is certainly the worst sequel in the Ocean’s Trilogy.

 

 

 

 

 

9. Matrix Revolutions (The Wachowski Brothers, 2003)

 

This film takes a lot of stick… and rightly so! The Matrix blew everyone’s mind and made loads of dollar. Warner Brothers wanted a follow up, so the Wachowski Brothers shit themselves and served it up as sequels. Revolutions being the worst, trying to be overly complicated for its own good and full of religious symbolism, sadly the effect is simply contrived. Machines want to kill human resistance, humans fight back using a combination of huge robots with massive guns they just happen to have lying around… and Kung-Fu. Bizarrely Agent Smith gets camper and the effects aren’t that great in parts either.

Is Neo Christ? No. No he isn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

8. The Chronicles of Riddick (David Twohy, 2004)

 

Glen won’t be happy with this one – but seriously dude, it’s shit. I actually on recently watched this, prompted (if not bullied) into buying the dvd, watched it and then practically giving it away on eBay a little over a week later! Vin Diesel is the last of his kind. He is hunted by galactic tyrants. He then becomes the hunter with a view to liberating civilisation. Hardly original, but could have been good fun, but fuck me its boring! Sorry Vin, big fan of yours – but not this!

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Friday After Next (Marcus Raboy, 2002)

 

I blame the Missus for this one. “It’s great, really funny.” I can only assume she was thinking of another film. Ice Cube is back as Craig and takes place back in the hood during the Christmas season, Craig and his cousin Day-Day are now living in a rundown apartment. After having Christmas present and rent money stolen by someone posing as Santa, they get jobs working as unarmed security guards in the local mall, they get threatened with eviction, pick up girls, get drunk, take drugs and need cash.

Hilarious. (sense the tone!)

 

 

 

 

 

6. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (Justin Lin, 2006)

 

Some may argue that the other Fast and Furious sequels should be in here, but I’m sorry – this is the worst of the lot. Just, why? The creepy kid from 90’s TV serious American Gothic has all grown up and gets sent to Japan as punishment for being a fuck up. Sadly he continues to fuck up in Japan, gets in the shit with the local bad-asses, but makes good in the end. And just as the story comes to resolution, you wonder why they even called this a “Fast and Furious” film… and then Vin Diesel turns up right at the end for a nice friendly race.

Just dull, a really watered down version of an already diluted franchise. Lacks the fun and the chemistry of the previous (and further) installements.

 

 

 

 

 

5. Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (Phil Tippett, 2004)

 

The original Starship Trooper was a big-budget extravaganza with a budget around $105 million. Starship Troopers 2 had a budgett of around $6 million so as you’d expect what special effects there are look like crap. None of the original cast, humour or story of the first, this is one of those films that my brain has tried hard to repress, I really hated it that much.

I don’t wanna write about it anymore, it just makes me angry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Terminator: Salvation (McG, 2009)

 

Mc”Fuckin”G. When he was announced as the director the general consensus was that the Terminator franchise was a gonna. Then Christian Bale was on board and all seemed right with the world. I can’t tell you how much I was looking forward to this film, I must have watched the trailer a hundred times. But sadly this film missed the mark by a mile, plot holes galore, shit dialogue, way too many nods to the previous films. And don’t even start me on that fade to black.

The sad thing is I’ll still end up buying this when it’s released on Blu-Ray.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.  AVP: Requiem (The Brothers Strause, 2007)

 

Christ. I’m not sure where to even begin with this film. Not only did Fox manage to ruin two franchises in one swoop, but they also managed to change the genre – from sci-fi horror to teen slasher! I remember these guys pratting on in interviews prior to release about how they were fans of the original film and that they were being true to it, etc, etc. Sorry guys, but that’s just crap. The film is just crap.

Could I have done any better? Erm, yes. Yes I could.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.  Jason X (James Isaac, 2001)

 

Not many franchises make it to a tenth instalment… and here we see why. The “action” now takes place on a spaceship in the 25^th century, Jason has been cryogenically frozen for over 400 years and is thawed out only to continue on his killing rampage. The unstoppable one also gets a weird robo-upgrade during the film (well you’ve gotta keep up with the latest fashion –no?).  This film is dire, I’m surprised it was directed by Alan Smithee! It would be fair to assume this would have killed the franchise, but no, there was then Freddy Vs Jason (2003), then the Friday the 13^th remake (2009) and its sequel is currently in development – proving that Jason actually cannot be killed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Highlander: The Source (Brett Leonard, 2007)

 

Be honest – did you even know there were 5 Highlander films? In all fairness, there shouldn’t be. This one really is scraping the bottom of the barrel. Set in a post-apocalyptic future, the immortals go in search of the origins of their power (i.e. The Source). The characters are shit and aren’t even true to themselves from previous films, and I don’t mean he used to pick his nose and now he doesn’t – I’m talking, the most loyal and nicest guy in the world and a proverbial monk for the last 5000 years and in the last few years since the last film has turned into a treacherous, nasty, murdering bastard for no reason.

The effects are shit, the villain is shit. This film is shit! I just hope the franchise reboot is better, but I’m not holding my breath

 

 

So there are my thoughts, what do you think? Is there a sequel more deserving of the list?